I don’t want this to be just another article of advice on how to get over a breakup. I don’t want to just regurgitate cliches, or conduct a symphony of self-pity for all the brokenhearted. I do, however, want to tell you the truth about moving on.
Please note that unsolicited advice on life and love is never a one-size-fits-all scenario. The lessons I’ve learned from my experiences may be completely different from yours.
This guide is split into two sections, one focused on your mindset, acknowledging the pain and learning from the past; the other focused on your steps and what actions you can take to move on.
You’ve got to start by tackling your mindset. So much of the pain you feel is due to lingering feelings and fears of the future. Dissecting what is is that it causing the most pain will allow you to overcome it.
I’ve broken down a few ideas to keep in mind in regards to how you feel about the breakup.
With each item, ask yourself how you react to the statements and how you intend to implement each idea into your day.
It’s Okay To Not Be Okay
We need to acknowledge that breakups are difficult regardless of whether you are the dumper or dumpee. Moving on means leaving your comfort zone, trading normality for new independence. It takes a sort of confidence in the future to change things in your life. It may be tough, of course, but so are you.
Remember that the pain you feel right now is not permanent. You may feel a sting when you think about them, but eventually those memories and even the presence of him or her won’t be so painful.
Let Go of Anger
I’ve learned in my own experience that there doesn’t always have to be a villain in the end. Resentment is not necessary. Sometimes, things don’t work out; it doesn’t mean you have to hate that other person now for the rest of your life. Holding bitterness towards the other person long-term is only going to make moving on harder.
Focus on the Good
Even though it’s painful now, see this as an advantage. You have the opportunity to be your own person. You can listen to the music they never liked, eat whatever you want, talk to whoever catches your eye. You are free. Instead of trying to be a better person for your significant other, you can now be a better person for yourself.
Now here’s your to-do list. I’ve broken down several different actions that will move you forward and get you out of the post-breakup blues.
I cannot express enough how therapeutic journaling can be. Here are a few journal prompts for you to try:
- Put a timer on and do a mind-dump for 15 minutes. Write out every thought you have. Describe in detail how you’re feeling right now.
- Write your ex a letter, tear it apart and throw it away.
- Write a letter to yourself from 10 years in the future. Will the future you even remember this ex? What do you want to be doing and what type of person do you want to be with 10 years from now?
You have a lot on your mind right now, and it’s time to get it all out.
Go on a hike. Go swimming, walk, run, jog; just get moving. Too cold to go outside? Here are links to a few quick and easy indoor workout videos:
Staying in one place is just going to make that feeling of isolation set in faster. Plus, studies show that movement releases endorphins, hows that for a quick fix?
Reach Out To Others
Reach out to friends and family. Call your grandparents, message an old friend, get lunch with your roommate, send a letter to a family member. Spending time with loved ones will take your mind off things as well as remind you that you are not alone.
Do Something New
During this period of time, it’s likely that every little thing will remind you of your ex. From eating at your old favorite lunch spot, to passing the street where you shared your first kiss. To avoid this, you’ve got to shake things up. Do something you’ve never done before or go somewhere you’ve never been. Here are a few ideas for you to try:
- Take a different route to work- Your mind will be focused on where you’re going and less likely for your mind to drift into thoughts about the past.
- Check out meetup.com, where you can go to meetup events with people who share your interests. Doing new things with new people is sure to be a good distraction and may even lead to new friendships.
- Go on a solo trip. Exploring an area you’ve never been before can be enough excitement you get you out of your funk. You don’t need to empty your savings account, just look up local towns in your area that you can explore for the day. Make sure to break a killer playlist and snacks for your trip.
I’m not going to lie to you, it’s going to hurt. Eventually, you will find that even though you’re feeling brokenhearted, you are not broken.